NO vs. ON

Two letters but depending on which way you write it you either have something ON your To Do list or calendar or you don’t.  It is that simple.  You either say NO or your put it ON there.

I may not even need to write the rest of this blog.  You already know that NO is a complete sentence that is often under-used in business (and in life).  We don’t want to say NO, we don’t like to say NO, yet it is imperative to the growth of our businesses to say NO sometimes.

There are so many things in this world, things to do, things to be involved in, things to buy, things to learn, things to explore – but we have limited time and we all need to make choices based on our own needs, likings and dislikings. 

Saying NO prevents you from wasting your precious time, allows you to stick to your priorities and stand by your beliefs and values.

It goes back to our childhood.  NO became a common word directed towards us that gave us a not-so-great feeling time and time again.  NO you can’t have that.  NO you can’t go there. NO you can’t…  NO you can’t…

So it was ingrained in us early on that NO resulted in negative feelings.  Couple that with the fact that most of us don’t want to inflict negative feelings on others, we don’t want to say NO to them and chance them feeling this way.  So we put things ON our calendar and To Do list that really shouldn’t be there.

But think of the other side…

If you don’t say NO and your calendar fills up with too much “stuff” to do and places to be you then have to say NO to yourself!  To the things that you need to do in order to grow either professionally or personally.  Plus, with all this “stuff” you can’t give each thing your best.  You feel stretched in many directions, stressed out and fall into the “just get it done” mode instead of having the energy and time to do it with your best foot forward. 

Result:  Everything suffers.  Everyone suffers.

Even worse, sometimes when you don’t say NO to begin with (when you know you should) it just prolongs the NO to a different day and that can produce even more negative emotions for everyone involved. 

For example, if someone sells something and you don’t just let them know upfront by saying NO then they will see the door still open and continue to schedule time with you, sell you, contact you, etc.  all of which takes YOUR time to continue to respond to. 

Once you finally get around to telling them the inevitable NO they are even more disappointed, both of you have spent time and energy on it, there has been an awkwardness created between you, and the relationship is at best now strained.  If this is in a networking environment, then you BOTH just lost an opportunity to have what could have been a great connection to refer people to each other that DO want to say YES.

What is the solution to this dilemma of not wanting to say NO and produce negative feelings in others?  Frankly, get over it. 

Then find a few phrases that resonate with you, that you feel comfortable using, and give the receiving party a clear NO without damaging the professional relationship.

Here are a few to get you started:

No thank you

I just can’t, thanks anyway

Sorry, can’t make that happen (don’t have a need for that)

I can’t attend (or don’t need that product/service) but I wish you the best

I love the concept of what you do, I don’t have a need for it but I can see how many people do

I am all set with (what they provide) but will keep my ears open for someone who may need what you offer

It’s a no for me, but sounds like a great opportunity for someone else

I just have too many other commitments at this time, but thanks for asking

I can’t squeeze that in this month but I can certainly help in a few weeks.  I will email you when I am  free.

It is so nice of you to think of me, however, with all that is on my plate right now I just won’t be able to do it justice. 

If you can’t help or are not interested, suggest someone who can or might be…but be sure it is a good connection…then make the connection happen. (*see No Cold Referrals BLOG).  YOU are probably not their ultimate conquest… not their only hope.  Others are out there who DO want to say YES to what they need.

When you say NO, be sure to not give false hope or set expectations for a future YES if you have no intention of this happening.  Avoid, “I’ll try” or “Let me think about it”.  This will result in creating distrust, disharmony and shine an unfavorable light on you in the eyes of the receiver.

There is no rule or law that says you have to provide your reasoning for saying NO, however, if you give a reason the receiving party sees and understands the clear boundary you have set and the decision you have made.

Here is the key:  be honest, don’t use excuses. 

If you start down the excuse path they may start trying to solve those obstacles for you.  This can lead down a long and winding road of awkwardness, repeatedly having to say NO or worse.

If something does not fit into your belief system, values or lifestyle be honest (so they don’t keep asking) but not judgmental on their values and beliefs.  “I am just not comfortable with it” or “I think it is great for you however I am not in the same place” are simple, nonjudgmental, honest, and definitive.  The door is closed to that yet remains open for different opportunities and a continued relationship trajectory.

In general, a good practice is to place the NO between two positive statements.  Thank them for thinking of you or for the opportunity, let them know it is a no for you, then end the sentence with a positive statement.

Then, don’t feel guilty!  Remember what you are saying NO for.  It could be so that you can spend that time with your family.  It could be so you have the time and energy to focus on your business and what you need to do for growth and success.  It could be because you simply need to have some down time to recharge and reenergize.  Regardless, any residual guilt from saying NO will evaporate when you concentrate on why you said NO and focus on the positive payoff of your choice.

Just remember, the world will not stop revolving because you said NO.  But YOUR world might feel like it is spinning out of control if you keep placing things ON your To Do list and calendar.