Be Thankful – Not Stressful
Define Family.
Define Friends.
Define Life.
These are core ponderings of philosophers of the past, present and will continue on in the future.
If you have a clear definition, a truth if you will, an irrefutable concrete way to describe, define and understand – Please Do Share!
Many a movie, many a book, many a lecture, many a TEDtalk, many a therapist have tried to pinpoint and even universalize our thoughts, feelings and characteristics surrounding what family means, what friendship truly comprises, and what is the meaning of life.
Just flip on the Hallmark Channel and you will see the same plot line – basically how somebody has strayed or forgotten what family and friendship means, or how to love and live a full life.
Inevitably in the Norman Rockwell idyllic winter wonderland it all works out and they find their “It’s a Wonderful Life” ending.
But in the 3-D world we live in, many people are more aligned and connected to their devices then to the humans and activities around them.
“The most exciting breakthroughs of the 21st Century will not occur because of technology but because of an expanding concept of what it means to be human.”
– John Naisbitt
There are so many things to be thankful for in our lives. AND there are many things that people feel are stressful as well. I am not here to debate what you do/don’t think is stressful.
What am I here to chat about is the fact that many of our stressors are self-inflicted.
Think about it – here in America most of us have our basic needs met. We have a place to live, food on the table, and more connection to others then we probably even want! (maybe that is part of the stress)
But it is all the other stuff, all the self-imposed and society-imposed expectations. The ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’ mentality that plagues us. The ‘I gotta have it!’ mindset.
I wonder how much less stress we would have if we just eliminated all the extra stuff and suppressed or ignored all the extra expectations and judgments of others.
If we just said – “Here I am! I have a place to live, food to eat, friends and family to love, and I am doing just fine!”
Take a minute – list all the things you have to be thankful for. Big and little. Tangible and intangible. The list is LOOOONNNGGG!
So why do we live in a stressful instead of a thankful state?
Then think about this:
Do you get FOMO and jealous vibes when you scroll social media? Delete the app! As a bonus – imagine how many hours you will get back into your week.
Do you feel pressured to do the Wordle, keep up a streak, or another “every-day-game/task”? Delete and forget it!
Is your calendar all over the place and you feel you don’t have time to breath? Guess what…YOU have control over what you put on your calendar and when you are available for clients, etc. YOU get to determine that.
Kick the outside voices to the curb!
So many voices! Social Media, friends, music, TV, coworkers, clients, videos, the list goes on and on. Some good, some not so good. We need to learn how to turn down the volume to these voices so we can hear ourselves think!
You don’t have to tune them out completely, in fact you might want to enhance the sound from some of them (real people – not ‘screen’ people) by engaging in more meaningful dialogue. If you are feeling pressures from them, or like you are not measuring up, or if they are stressing you out in any way, be open and honest, in a polite and respectful way bring these issues up in conversation.
If a client is weighing heavily on you – start the dialogue about options that would work for all parties involved – even if that means you no longer work together. It’s just not worth it!
Speaking of outside voices and noise…science has shown that we need SILENCE to recharge and refocus. Windshield time is good for that. Don’t listen to that podcast, but rather turn off the radio, just enjoy the ride and the scenery. Music or even a good podcast can keep your emotions and excitement level still on high alert…we need the down time. We need the silence.
Alternatively, turn the TV and any music off after 9 pm. Read, write, sit in silence with your own thoughts for at least an hour before you retire for the night. You will wake up more refreshed with energy to start your day.
On a side note – turn off the notification dings-n-blings on your phone. That constant pinging causes you to stress about who/what it is about and you jump to check it every few minutes – every time it squawks.
Put on your Humility Coat
So many times when I feel stressed out if I take a minute and be totally honest with myself it is self-inflicted and often has to do with my pride getting in my way.
It may be when I am trying to be perfect, or living up to someone’s expectations (or my perceived expectations they have of me), or it may be that I feel let down by others and I can’t release my pride to let them know.
Look, we can’t do-all-be-all every time to everyone. We can’t make everyone happy. So, stop trying! It is humanly impossible. We self-impose ridiculous expectations on ourselves and ‘what-if’ ourselves into a stress-prison.
Break free!
Humility allows us to admit we are not perfect, we are not the end-all-be-all, we can (and do) let others down just like we are let down by others. And that is OK.
Humility allows us to ask for help, it allows us to receive assistance from others – asked for or not.
Humility allows us to receive encouragement and accountability from others.
Show Your Gratitude
We all know that showing our gratitude towards others is important, so we go through the motions –
Thanks for the meal.
Thanks for the business.
Thanks for coming over today.
We appreciate what you did.
But thanking is different than knowing, and expressing, what exactly you are thankful FOR. Unexpressed gratitude can be interpreted as being ungrateful – even if you say “thanks” for the surface action.
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around”
– Leo Buscaglia
It is important to say thanks, to show our appreciation, but even more so it is important to tell them WHY we are thankful, what they mean to us and the effect they have had on our lives.
So, as you sit at the table with crazy Uncle Al or annoying Aunt Fiona remember to find the joy in their presence. Let them know you enjoy their unique qualities, their quirks and their company.
Thank those that made the meal, not because it filled your stomach and was pleasant to the taste buds, but because it fills your heart that they are in your life. Let them know that you appreciate the efforts they made to show their love for those enjoying the meal with you. It’s not about the food, it is about the togetherness.
“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
– Mother Teresa
Showing gratitude towards others is actually a selfish act – a good selfish act. It can relieve stress, increase endorphins, and generally make you feel alive!
What else can we do?
You can’t fix what you are not aware of so first just simply make a list of things that stress you out.
Take a moment to see if anything on your list is self-imposed.
Realize that many things on that list are probably not life or death.
Place a line through things you will eliminate in 2023 (clients, practices, procedures, activities, etc.).
Star the ones that are coming from outside voices and make a plan to start a dialogue with those people in your life.
That’s it – don’t make a science project out of it. But this simple exercise can help you realize that most of what is stressing you out is not an emergency, or life and death, or really anything that warrants the stress-prison you are putting yourself in.
This simple realization can help you to shift your perspective from stressful to thankful and will allow you to bask in the glory of all that you have to be grateful for this holiday season and beyond.
Have a wonderful, stress free, relaxing, recharging Thanksgiving week and weekend. Find the silence, bask in it, show your appreciation and gratefulness, and set your sights on a new perspective heading into 2023.
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