Disappointment is a Killer!

There are several ways to describe disappointment:

• When something doesn’t turn out the way you had planned or dreamed it would
• When expectations exceeded the outcome
• When we feel we deserved a different outcome
• When we see others get what we desired

And try as we might, no one goes through life without some disappointments.  Some big, some small, but they are there. 

It is what you do after that defines your life.  It is about how you deal with disappointments, how you pick yourself up and start again, how you move past it and focus on the big picture and what comes next.

In every unsatisfying experience we can gain wisdom and learn valuable lessons – even if it is just how to avoid it in the future!  Take pride in the struggles, in the bottom-hitting failures, because those are the things that shape champions.

Use those feelings, those experiences of pain, as a catalyst to move you toward positive change.  To make small (or large) adjustments to the overall broader plan and continue to move forward.  Harness the energy from the disappointment and redirect it into the rebound – so you bounce so high, and so far, that success is waiting there for you.

Look, I get it, when things don’t go as planned all motivation can go out the window.  Our expectations were so high and when those are squashed and unmet, we struggle to see the good, see the lessons, see a way out, or even see a way to get through and shine on the other side. 

Here are some things to consider and ways to get you moving through the pain and into a more positive attitude and outlook:

1. Listen and Learn:  Pay attention to the details, not only in the before and after, but the ‘during’ the fall.  Did you have realistic expectations?  Did you do something, or not do something, that contributed to the outcome?  What could you have done differently?  What do you need to do to pick yourself up again and bounce back?
2. Objectively look at what was lost – if anything!  Is it just your pride and ego or is there an ACTUAL TANGIBLE loss?  Maybe it was just an opportunity loss.  Not to belittle any of these – they are all real and have real emotions attached.  But objectively consider where the disappointment resides.  This is crucial before you seek to work your way through it.
3. Don’t whine.  No one wants to hear it and it does not serve you.  It is what it is…reality can’t be changed.  Whining prolongs the disappointment and delays the road to recovery.
4. Don’t compare your outcome to others.  This is a recipe for piling discouragement and despair on top of disappointment.  Not productive!  However, if you can objectively look at their outcomes and gain wisdom, understanding, or inspiration from it, then by all means – compare away!
5. Give yourself a break – and time to grow up!  Experience and age lead to a higher tolerance for disappointment.  Maybe we get used to it, or maybe we eventually realize that as bad as it feels now, things will get better.  With experience (and age) we prove this to ourselves over and over again, so when ‘bummer’ things happen we remember that things will look different in the morning…not so bleak, not hopeless, and not as bad as it seems.
6. Recalibrate your emotions and expectations.  Take it all in and assess the damages, then adjust and reimagine a new outcome.  This may take some time…but, be sure not to do this too quickly while the emotions are still raw. 

There will always be the possibility of disappointment and pain between where you are now and where you want to be.  But these times can be the turning points that we need.  Some of the lessons we learn from those times may be essential to catapulting our businesses to BEYOND our expectations.

Disappointment usually sends us on one of two paths…towards success or towards failure. 

The great news?  We get to choose! 

We can choose to learn from it and even gain motivation from it, then tweak and adjust not only our expectations but our activities to continue to strive towards what we ultimately will achieve –success.

OR

We can choose to become bitter and angry, stick our feet in the mud and refuse to learn the lessons it can teach us, dry up all motivation until we stand there – stuck, bitter, and unmovable.

Don’t let the fear of disappointment be a Dream Killer!

It always amazes me the lengths people go to avoid disappointment, to avoid that type of pain and discomfort.  They don’t pursue dreams, they put ideas on a shelf, they lower their expectations of themselves and others.  What a waste.

I want to shake them by the shoulders and say, “Don’t waste another minute!  Yes, you might get disappointed.  Yes, you might have to swallow your pride or risk rejection.  Yes, you might have to admit you are wrong or adjust your ways.  But it will be worth it!”

We all avoid pain to some degree, but which is more painful? 

Possible embarrassment or unfulfilled dreams? 

Admitting we are wrong and saying sorry or living a life where we don’t pursue our highest purpose?

Asking for help or directions or getting so lost in our own pride we can’t find our way out or up to success?

Possible failure and rejection or not realizing and moving towards what makes you feel alive?

But pain, rejection, disappointment, even embarrassment and failure, is OK.  It will not kill you and the fear and avoidance of it should not kill your dreams.  Nothing great, nothing amazing, ever comes without some work, some grit, some ups-n-downs, some risk and some pain. 

Look at the 5 most “successful” people that you know.  What we see is where they are now.  What we don’t see is where they came from.  The struggles they faced.  The disappointments, the failures, the pain, the sacrifice and the hard work. 

It appears they made it to the top easy-peazy!  I guarantee they most likely did not. 

You have probably heard this analogy before – but it is like an iceberg.  We see the beautiful landscape on top of the surface.  The ice sculpture that juts out of the ice-blue waters and majestically stands tall. Graceful, smooth, ice-cold white and the very picture of power. 

But below the surface is the foundation upon which the iceberg sits.  It took years to form.  Sometimes decades of gathering icy waters pressing together to form the base for the berg. 

Similarly, successful people have many layers of disappointments, sacrifices, good habits, hard work, dedication, persistence, perseverance, and even failures below the surface.  Propping them up to rise above the waters edge so what we see is the sculpted, majestic power of their success.

They built on those things to get to where they are now.  You can too.

Don’t let disappointments and the like prevent you from pursuing your dreams.  They may slow you down for a hot minute, but they also might just put you on the fast-track to success.